In this blog, one of our lovely anonymous guest bloggers shares how their fertility journey started and how it has progressed. We hope that sharing first-person accounts like this will help someone feel less alone in their own journey. If you are looking for advice and support, please contact us and join us over in the Hoopsy fertility community.
Deciding to try for a baby
My journey began in August 2019. I’d lived in my house with my fiancé for a year. We’d just booked to go to Mexico for 2 weeks – we were living the life! I’d long known that his dream was to be a dad (by age 25, as he told me very early in our relationship – no pressure!) We had only just had the conversation about trying, and it wasn’t exactly ‘let’s try’. It was more of an ‘it would be okay if it happened, so let’s just see how things go’.
We had the most amazing time in Mexico, 2 weeks of all-inclusive, 5* relaxation. We ate and drank as much as we wanted and enjoyed the sun. It was brilliant. We got back and built a patio in our back garden and then set off for a couple of days in Berlin. A very hectic schedule I know! But as two teachers, we were trying to cram as much into our summer holidays as we could.
On the drive back from the airport I suddenly realised that I could be late. I didn’t track dates at the time, so I only knew that it had been more than a month since my last period. So I (incredibly awkwardly) asked my partner to pull in at the Co-op and get us a test. I honestly couldn’t even hold a conversation thinking about it. When we got back to the house, I did a test, and there it was – a faint little line! I told my partner to go and check the test, and he couldn’t believe it. This was really happening. I started researching about how big the baby was at the time and how it would grow week by week and signed up for lots of the free baby supplies websites. Honestly, I got myself so excited!
I saw family over the weekend and am so close to my family. But I think we just wanted to tell my parents together, and I was seeing them by myself that weekend or there were always other people there too. Anyway, my partner had his first day back at school in his new teaching role on Tuesday, and that’s when it happened.
Early pregnancy loss
Blood and pain followed by a negative test. I felt awful for him, as he was starting his new job, knowing that this was happening. I went to my parents and told them (I then felt awful for not having shared the good news first). My mum wanted me to call around doctors and the midwives etc, to see if I needed to be checked over or anything, but they just said there was nothing they could do.
My pregnancy didn’t last long, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. I just wish I’d been able to share the positive news with my parents at the time, even though it didn’t work out how it was supposed to. My family had been devastated by what had happened and were really supportive of us both. I’m a bit of a closed book though and struggle to share my emotions.
We decided we’d actively try now, and it would happen quickly as it had happened straight away last time. That was over 3 and a half years ago – we’ve had no success since. I went for a walk with my sister on May 1st, and she asked me if I’d ever worked out what the due date would have been. It dawned on me then that, yes, I had checked, and it was May 1st. That hit hard.
Seeking fertility help
We got to February 2021 with no success, so we decided to call our doctors. We go to different practices, my now husband got referred to our fertility clinic straight away, but I got told we hadn’t been trying long enough.
My husband’s sperm tests came back really positive. It made me panic that I was the problem. I called the doctor again in June and got referred for blood tests and then further testing in October. Everything came back fine, and it was ‘unexplained’. We’ve had discussions recently, and we think that, in a way, having no diagnosis can sometimes be even more difficult as we’re wondering if we have false hope, if it’s actually possible to conceive naturally, or whether there is something underlying but it just hasn’t been found yet.
I would advise anyone trying to keep an eye on the dates you start and get booked in for checks as soon as you’re past the year mark (NHS timescale) or whatever the timescale is with your healthcare.
The idea of trying again didn’t worry us. We were so optimistic, given how quickly things happened for us without even really trying. Even writing this, I can’t believe how easy our journey started versus how quickly it went downhill and has remained downhill since.
Having a long TTC journey is so difficult. It’s made me question if this is what I really want; we’ve worried about finances to pay for private treatment, I dread logging into social media and seeing other people’s pregnancy announcements and am constantly having to show support and excitement for people who have fantastic news for themselves, but it’s exactly what I want and could have had. We decided to open up to more family and friends recently about our journey as we realised how can we expect that people would be sensitive to our situation if they don’t know about it. We’ve definitely found that it has helped when those closest to you know. They’ll understand why you’re not drinking without the dreaded ‘Are you pregnant?’ question, and they’ll understand if you block out weeks at a time without speaking to/seeing people I also had my cousin message me separately to tell me she was pregnant before she put it in a group chat.
My fertility journey continues
What we’re focusing on now is getting ourselves back to how we were when we went to Mexico. I honestly believe that how I was feeling then will have had such a positive impact on trying. We’re really trying to focus on lowering stress levels, lots of relaxation, healthy eating and a good dose of Vitamin D – good timing for spring/summer! I’m sure we’ll get there in the end!
We’re here to support you through your journey at Hoopsy. I honestly think I’d have really benefited from a network like this at the start of my journey.
Please, reach out to those who can support you in trying to conceive. I didn’t, and it was difficult to go through it by myself. I’ve found sharing with loved ones has made my journey with fertility treatments easier emotionally.